In our modern world, many of us struggle with self-acceptance and self-love. We hear about it all the time, social media is plastered with reminders to “love yourself!”. Friends may remind you, after a break-up, you have to love yourself first. It’s not as easy as it sounds and a simple Instagram post admonishing you to love yourself isn’t going to help you actually love yourself…
Often, we carry within us a multitude of conflicting thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that can hinder and confuse our ability to truly embrace ourselves. However, there is hope for change and a different way of viewing yourself.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers hope and a way to find healing and self-discovery, guiding us on a journey toward self-acceptance and self-love. In this post, I will explore how the principles of IFS therapy can empower us to cultivate a profound sense of self-compassion.
Understanding the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model:
The Internal Family Systems model, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, views each of us as a system of different "parts." Each part represents a different aspect of our psyche, holding beliefs, emotions, and roles in our lives. Some parts might be protective, while others may be burdened by past experiences. The key to IFS therapy is recognizing that at our core, we possess a Self—a calm, compassionate, and confident essence that can lead the healing process. For more detail direct from the source, check out this article.
2. Embracing the Inner Landscape:
IFS therapy encourages people to explore their internal landscape with curiosity and openness. By acknowledging and accepting each part of ourselves, even those that seem challenging or contradictory, we create an environment of self-acceptance. Through this lens, we begin to understand that our parts are not "problems" to be fixed but rather fragmented aspects seeking integration and harmony.
3. Cultivating Self-Compassion:
IFS therapy recognizes that self-compassion is the cornerstone of healing and transformation. When we approach ourselves with understanding, empathy, and kindness, we create space for healing and growth. Self-compassion enables us to extend forgiveness to our wounded parts, embracing their vulnerability and helping them heal from past hurts. By nurturing self-compassion, we unlock the doorway to self-love.
4. Healing the Exiles:
Exiles are the wounded and vulnerable parts of ourselves that hold painful memories and emotions. This method of therapy provides a safe and structured framework to engage with these exiles, offering them the attention and care they need. By establishing a compassionate dialogue with our exiled parts (like our inner child), we can heal old wounds, release stored emotions, and reintegrate them into our inner system.
5. Embracing the Protectors:
Protector parts develop within us to shield our vulnerable exiles from further pain. While protectors may manifest as critical voices, perfectionism, or control mechanisms, they ultimately have good intentions. IFS therapy helps us understand that our protectors emerged to keep us safe, and by developing a relationship with them, we can transform their roles from overprotection to guidance and support.
6. Integration and Self-Leadership:
As we navigate the terrain of our inner world, IFS guides us toward integration—the harmonious collaboration between our parts and our Self. Integration allows us to access our innate wisdom, resilience, and love. By cultivating self-leadership, we tap into our Self's qualities, empowering us to make conscious choices aligned with our values and desires.
7. Embracing the Journey of Self-Acceptance:
The journey toward self-acceptance and self-love is an ongoing process. IFS therapy provides a roadmap to navigate this journey, offering tools and techniques to foster a deep sense of compassion and understanding for ourselves. As we engage with our parts, heal our wounds, and integrate our inner system, we awaken our true essence and unlock the limitless well of self-love within us.
If you want to learn more or dive in deeper - there are a few options available!
You can book a psychotherapy session with me, Kelsey.
You can also join myself and florist, Julia Glass, for a workshop which will include a guided meditation to bring you on your own personal journey to self along with some flower art creation.